30. August 2008 by Patrick Budowski.

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30. August 2008 by Patrick Budowski.

What happens and what do you do when you come to, after years of
drinking or drugging? To start I was not even sure I could stop, I had
drank for so long, and so hard that I knew nothing else. The friends
that I had made over the years were not really friends, more like folks
to party with, as they grew up and started to live a normal life, I
continued to stay drunk, and by doing so, I tended to stay away from
those folks. After awhile they would not want anything to do with a
knee crawling drunk like me. The folks that I cared about were for the
most part gone, or I had hurt them so much that they no longer could
afford the mental pain that dealing with me caused. Now this did not
all run through my mind when I first came to, Not even close, I was
tired, sick and living in my car, normal behavior for a adult? Not
hardly, but for a drunk, not to bad, at least I had a car. My first
thought that I recall, was I could no longer live like this, I needed
to stop drinking or just die. Now I had been to 10 rehabs for my
drinking, or what I thought of as pit stops. A place to hide, spend
some time getting my body back into drinking shape.

Having been through so many rehabs, and having had major problems
coming off the alcohol I knew that I need to check in someplace for
withdraws. However being homeless I had no place to go after I got the
booze out of my system. Well you might be thinking what about your
family? Nope been there and had done that to the point the only person
who was even talking to me was my Father. No one else had any faith in
me. Not that they had a reason to. However back then I did blame others
for my faults. Now my Dad was a Prince and a Saint all in one. I got
myself into a rehab, and instead of just dealing with the day to day of
getting clean and working on me, I of course started worrying about
were I was to live when I got out. Now keep in mind, when I was
drinking I could have cared less about were I spent my nights, but now
that I was getting sober, that seemed real important to me. When the
only thing that should have been important, was working on keeping my
self clean and sober. Being the good drunk still, I was more worried
about my image. Of course the only image I had was one that I lied to
myself about.

How in Gods name can a person who was living in his car be worried
about his image, after only a few days of being in a bed with sheets
and a roof over his head? No idea and I still laugh about that today,
but I was. The good news for me, was that there were folks who had been
down this path before, and were able to steer me in the right
directions, without me knowing it. Because of course being a drunk no
one can tell me what to do.

Folks who have never been insane, and yes that’s what I was, and to
a degree more then likely still am, can not understand what goes threw
the mind of one of us. We tend to think we know all, and have all the
answers. Now with this frame of mind, it’s a miracle that any of us
mange to get sober, and yes it is a miracle. Now I would love to tell
you that I did this all myself, but being honest God did this for me,
for there is no way I could have gotten sober and as of today still be
sober. For me there is no other explanation. Others may say that its
will power, but I know its not. No human could have taken the desire to
drink away from me.

So what happened? Well threw no fault of my own, as I write this I
am still sober,I was blessed, God put folks in my life who could help
me. This will not be all about God.However I will mention him from time
to time since without him I would not be sober.

At first I tried to fit in with the sober crowd, but then I
understood, that I was never one to just fit in, I have the strongest
desire to express my views and opinions. Now some of my views are
extreme, to the point that some folks may take offense, in my first
year of sobriety. I did not understand how folks could not think like
me, I still had and to be honest, still do have an ego. I like to
think it’s not nearly as big as it once was, but one never knows. As I
grew, I came to understand that not everyone has to agree with me,
would it be better for them if they did? I think so; however me and
thinking, just like me and drinking do not mix well.

When folks ask me about drinking, I do not try to act like it was cool,
or great, because to be honest I have very little memory of it. So if I
can not recall it, I guess it was not that great nor cool. Funny I can
recall like it was yesterday when both my kids were born, but could not
tell you what I did for a living 7 years ago. Alcohol is so great! Ok
so its not.

Back to the coming to part, I sat in a room and waited for this one
guy who I wanted to sponsor me, then he went outside and was on his
cell phone, which of course was rude in my mind, after all did he not
understand that I was waiting on him? It was winter and was cold. How
dare he not get off his phone? After all I was going to give him the
honor of being my sponsor. Well when he got off the phone, I walked up
and introduced myself.

I had meet him a few times, but thought to start off polite. First
thing he said to me was don’t you already have a sponsor? Well yes but
I wanted to give him the honor of being my sponsor. He replied with
here is my number call me after you tell your current sponsor that you
wish to change. He then told me his rules, He was not my banker,
marriage counselor, nor was he my attorney. If I could be honest with
myself and with him he would walk me through the 12 steps of A.A.
nothing more. Cool I already really liked this guy, he is going to stay
out of most of my life, good deal cause I can manage the other parts of
my life. Did I mention that I was divorced? Living in my car? Had my
second DWI arrest a 6 months before? However I liked him because he was
just going to get me threw the drinking. Now I had been to all of those
rehabs and I new all there was to know about the 12 steps. However I
did not want anyone getting into my personal life, just help me stay
off the booze. I chuckle as I write that because drinking was my life,
I had no other.

When I got out of the Rehab I was in, I went to a half way house,
that had rules. My Dad paid for my first 2 weeks there, after that he
told me I was on my own. Did I mention that my poor Dad had cancer, and
was slowly dieing? No? Of course not, I am selfish person,

Not that I did not care, but I was caring more about me then Him.
However his faith in me kept me going, when I figured that all was
lost, the little things he would do, that no one else would, helped
keep me sober, My father would take my phone calls, talk to me like I
was his son, I did not deserve that. The things I put my Father and
Mother threw would have drove normal folks away, and to be honest it
did drive my Mother away. Not that I blame Her, I mean how many times
can you get stabbed in the heart before saying enough is enough?

For the first 3 months life was ok, not great, but ok. Hell I was
sober, things seemed strange to me. While the family was getting ready
for Christmas, my one brother was in a comma and my Dad was slipping
from the cancer. On a Tuesday I went over to my parents place, my
Mother was not home, and my Dad was not feeling well. It was the last
time I had a real heart to heart with him, he knew that He was dieing,
and I felt he was trying to hold on till after Christmas, but he knew
he was not going to make it. He told Me how proud he was of me, for
being sober. To this day I don’t know if I am still sober, because I
don’t want to disappoint him or because I want to stay sober, I would
like to think it’s a bit of both.

That Friday, he was back in the hospital something that happens a
lot when you have lung cancer; the Doctors said he would be in for a
week or so. My Mother and 2 of my 3 sisters were there, My Mom was sick
as well she had been down in Florida with my one brother who was in a
comma. When we finally convinced my Mom to go home and gets some sleep,
my sister left as well, I told them I would stay the night in the
hospital with Dad. I went down to my car to get a book and some chewing
tobacco, went back up to the floor my Dad was on, and heard the code
blue, I knew then it was for my Dad.

My Mother was called of course and she was back at the hospital
before he passed, as were 2 of my sisters. Pop knew that he had to wait
for my Mother. She’s what he loved the most in life. After all that
time together, the last thing he wanted was to see her . That may
sound strange, but my Dad cared more about other folks then he did
about himself.

After he passed, we all were just stunned, after all the Doctor had
said he was going to be alright.In my mind, my first thought was to
run, find a store and get some booze, I then looked at my Mom, my 2
sisters, and I could not leave, this was my family, at the very least I
could wait a day. My oldest brother was in Florida visiting my other
brother who had just come out of his comma. I called him of course, to
ask him what to do. What did I know? I am after all a drunk, not
capable to handle my feelings let alone someone else’s. I can’t seem to
recall his exact words, but they were something like take care of the
family, I will be up as soon as I tell Mike. I think and so does my
Mother that my Dad planned having my oldest brother in Florida to tell
Mike.

I am going to fast forward, cause thinking of this makes me depressed.We as a family got threw it.

A while latter in my sobriety it was time to leave the half way
house, not that I wanted to, I was safe there. However one can not hide
from life forever. I moved into a sober house, and then was moved into
the ladies house who owned the sober house. I ended up living there for
2 years, very nice lady, and as with the rest of humans, she has here
issues.

Now I am not one who likes to chat, unless I am the one who starts
the conversation, and then I wish to be able to end it when I want or
when I am done talking. However since she had been so nice to me, I
felt obligated to listen to her. She was lonely, and before you think
that I slept with her, I thought of her as one of my sisters, nothing
more.

Did I mention that I am disabled? Well I am, so I tend to have a lot
of time on my hands, and anyone who knows a drunk, knows this is very
bad; however for some odd reason, this seems to help me rather then
hurt me. Now I have retreated from life to a degree, this time not
threw the booze, but threw on-line gaming, as well as doing other
things on-line.

This may not be what’s healthy for most folks, but it seems to work
for me. Now should I be out trying to meet more people? Of course
everyone needs someone; however I feel I have nothing to offer someone.

My days are not full; my nights get lonely sometimes however I have made some good friends on line as well as a few here

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29. August 2008 by Patrick Budowski.

Permission was granted to use this letter

Dear Friends:

My name is Joe Porter. I live in Champaign , Illinois . I’m 46 years
old, a born-again Christian, a husband, a father, a small business
owner, a veteran, and a homeowner. I don’t consider myself to be
either conservative or liberal, and I vote for the person, not
Republican or Democrat. I don’t believe there are “two Americas ” -
but that every person in this country can be whomever and what ever
they want to be if they’ll just work to get there - and nowhere else
on earth can they find such opportunities. I believe our government
should help those who are legitimately downtrodden, and should always
put the interests of America first.

The purpose of this message is that I’m concerned about the future of
this great nation. I’m worried that the silent majority of honest,
hard-working, tax-paying people in this country have been passive for
too long. Most folks I know choose not to involve themselves in
politics. They go about their daily lives, paying their bills, raising
their kids, and doing what they can to maintain the good life. They
vote and consider doing so to be a sacred trust. They shake their
heads at the political pundits and so-called “news”, thinking that
what they hear is always spun by whomever is reporting it. They can’t
understand how elected officials can regularly violate the public
trust with pork barrel spending. They don’t want government handouts.
They want the government to protect them, not raise their taxes for
more government programs.

We are in the unique position in this country of electing our leaders.
It’s a privilege to do so. I’ve never found a candidate in any
election with whom I agreed on everything. I’ll wager that most of us
don’t even agree with our families or spouses 100% of the time. So
when I step into that voting booth, I always try to look at the big
picture and cast my vote for the man or woman who is best qualified
for the job. I’ve hired a lot of people in my lifetime, and
essentially that’s what an election is - a hiring process. Who has the
credentials? Whom do I want working for me? Whom can I trust to do the
job right?

I’m concerned that a growing number of voters in this country simply
don’t get it. They are caught up in a fervor they can’t explain, and
calling it “change”.

Change what?, I ask.

Well, we’re going to change America , they say.

In what way?, I query.

We want someone new and fresh in the White House, they exclaim.

So, someone who’s not a politician?, I press.

Uh, well, no, we just want a lot of stuff changed, so we’re voting for
Obama, they state.

So the current system, the system of freedom and democracy that has
enabled a man to grow up in this great country, get a fine education,
raise incredible amounts of money and dominate the news and win his
party’s nomination for the White House - that system’s all wrong?

No, no, that part of the system’s okay - we just need a lot of change.

And so it goes. “Change we can believe in.” Quite frankly, I don’t
believe that vague proclamations of change hold any promise for me. In
recent months, I’ve been asking virtually everyone I encounter how
they’re voting. I live in Illinois , so most folks tell me they’re
voting for Barack Obama. But no one can really tell me why - only that
he’s going to change a lot of stuff. Change, change, change. I have
yet to find one single person who can tell me distinctly and
convincingly why this man is qualified to be President and
Commander-in-Chief of the most powerful nation on earth - other than
the fact that he claims he’s going to imple-ment a lot of change.

We’ve all seen the emails about Obama’s genealogy, his upbringing, his
Muslim background, and his church affiliations. Let’s ignore this for
a moment. Put it all aside. Then ask yourself, what qualifies this man
to be my president? That he’s a brilliant orator and talks about
change?

CHANGE WHAT?

Friends, I’ll be forthright with you - I believe the American voters
who are supporting Barack Obama don’t have a clue what they’re doing,
as evidenced by the fact that not one of them - NOT ONE of them I’ve
spoken to can spell out his qualifications. Not even the most liberal
media can explain why he should be elected. Political experience?
Negligible. Foreign relations? Non-existent. Achievements? Name one.
Someone who wants to unite the country? If you haven’t read his wife’s
thesis from Princeton , look it up on the web. This is who’s lining up
to be our next First Lady? The only thing I can glean from Obama’s
constant harping about change is that we’re in for a lot of new taxes.

For me, the choice is clear. I’ve looked carefully at the two leading
applicants for the job, and I’ve made my choice.

Here’s a question - where were you five and a half years ago? Around
Christmas, 2002. You’ve had five or six birthdays in that time. My son
has grown from a sixth grade child to a high school graduate. Five and
a half years is a good chunk of time. About 2,000 days. 2,000 nights
of sleep. 6, 000 meals, give or take.

John McCain spent that amount of time, from 1967 to 1973, in a North
Vietnamese prisoner-of-war camp.

When offered early release, he refused it. He considered this offer to
be a public relations stunt by his captors, and insisted that those
held longer than he should be released first. Did you get that part?
He was offered his freedom, and he turned it down. A regimen of
beatings and torture began.

Do you possess such strength of character? Locked in a filthy cell in
a foreign country, would you turn down your own freedom in favor of
your fellow man? I submit that’s a quality of character that is rarely
found, and for me, this singular act defines John McCain.

Unlike several presidential candidates in recent years whose military
service is questionable or non-existent, you will not find anyone to
denigrate the integrity and moral courage of this man. A graduate of
Annapolis , during his Naval service he received the Silver Star,
Bronze Star, Purple Heart and Distinguished Flying Cross. His own son
is now serving in the Marine Corps in Iraq. Barack Obama is fond of
saying “We honor John McCain’s service…BUT…”, which to me is
condescending and offensive - because what I hear is, “Let’s forget
this man’s sacrifice for his country and his proven leadership
abilities, and talk some more about change.”

I don’t agree with John McCain on everything - but I am utterly
convinced that he is qualified to be our next President, and I trust
him to do what’s right. I know in my heart that he has the best
interests of our country in mind. He doesn’t simply want to be
President - he wants to lead America , and there’s a huge difference.
Factually, there is simply no comparison between the two candidates. A
man of questionable background and motives who prattles on about
change can’t hold a candle to a man who has devoted his life in public
service to this nation, retiring from the Navy in 1981 and elected to
the Senate in 1982.

Perhaps Obama’s supporters are taking a stance between old and new.
Maybe they don’t care about McCain’s service or his strength of
character, or his unblemished qualifications to be President. Maybe
“likeability” is a higher priority for them than “trust”. Being a
prisoner of war is not what qualifies John McCain to be President of
the United States of America - but his demonstrated leadership
certainly DOES.

Dear friends, it is time for us to stand. It is time for thinking
Americans to say, “Enough.” It is time for people of all parties to
stop following the party line. It is time for anyone who wants to keep
America first, who wants the right man leading their nation, to start
a dialogue with all their friends and neighbors and ask who they’re
voting for, and why.

There’s a lot of evil in this world. That should be readily apparent
to all of us by now. And when faced with that evil as we are now, I
want a man who knows the cost of war on his troops and on his
citizens. I want a man who puts my family’s interests before any
foreign country.

I want a President who’s qualified to lead.

I want my country back, and I’m voting for John McCain.

Why I agree with most of this letter, the sad fact is the diehard Obama support’s will never change their minds.The will not even look at both websites and do the math on taxes.

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23. August 2008 by Patrick Budowski.

I just had neck/back surgery. Feel pretty good for it being only 2 days old. They removed a bone, and fixed it with a cadaver bone and a few screws. When I checked out yesterday they gave me this cool card for metal detectors, saying that I had screws in , and not to worry or something to that affect.
Will be up and around in about 10 days or so. I hope. If not will write a short blurb here.

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9. August 2008 by Patrick Budowski.

A friend of mine sent me a really neat plug-in for just about all of the main browsers.

It’s called PicLens. What it does, is take images and videos on the web, puts them into categories.  Allows you to search for videos and images. Allows shopping products from Amazon. Keeps you up to date on the news. It does all of this, by putting your screen in a 3D mode, or the appearance of 3d. It may not help you do a lot of work, but it sure does look nice and it’s a pretty neat program to have.

Best part about it, is it’s free.

Download here  http://www.piclens.com/

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4. August 2008 by Patrick Budowski.

If they were every going to get serious about saving gas, it would start with the Federal employees. Not all federal employees can take mass transit, in the area I live in few do outside of D.C. It gets used but only by those who have to use it. Drive in would be to long, or they live right on one of the lines.

What the Feds could do is start working 4 10 hour days. Of course this could not be everyone, and some people would get mad, have to work Friday or Monday while most of the other folks are off. However tough luck. Most of of the office’s could do this. From the FBI to Congress. Now I am not saying take the police or the agents off, since they are more then likely working more the 10 hours a day now. I am talking about the staff. Instead of having 300 people on the phones for the IRS 5 days a week, lets cut down to 200 a day. If each person could have one day off during the week. That would cut 300 trips to work each week. Before I forget, I am not talking about shutting down offices or services. They would still be open 5 days a week or whatever their normal work days are now.Take 4 days and work 10 hours on those days.

Lets make the math simple. Since there are a ton of variables, let just say the average car gets 20 mpg. Since a lot these trips you are stuck in traffic. Round trip to work and home is 100 miles, you get 20 mpg and work 5 days a week. 500 miles each week. That’s 25 gallons a week. Lets say gas cost $4 even, means you spend $100 on gas.
Now take my plan ( I am sure some one much smarter then me has thought of this) Now you are driving 400 miles a week. Cost of fuel $80 each week. Doing this way save you $20 per week, or $ 1040 per year.

Now that’s not bad an extra grand each year, but wait I have not shown you the big picture yet. You now have an office that was burning 390,000 gallons of gas each year down to 312,000 gallons a year. Saving 78000 gallons per year. Now this is only one office. I also left those that could work from home 4 days a week and only go into the office one day a week, off of this. Like I said earlier there are so many variables
Someone much smarter then me should do the math, since its 5:30 am here, and I have been up since 2 am.
This plan IMO is much better then to just go on vacations which is what congress did. House side at least, the Senate is playing games so they open up, sort of every 3 days.

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